For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
