just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
