I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
