i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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