i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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