You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
