i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
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