We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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