I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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