she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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