One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
