You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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