for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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