you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
