I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
