where am i from again
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm just crazy horny about you
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
