you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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