What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
