I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize