well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
