Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
