I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
