they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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