You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
