After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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