So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
