I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
