I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
