My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
