So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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