You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
