Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
