YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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