So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
