so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
