Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
