I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
