At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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