you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you win again, gameday.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
