anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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