Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
