I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
