brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
im holly from the hills drunk
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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