I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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