And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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