She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
