My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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