My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
