I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
