i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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