but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
