Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
