Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
