we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
