you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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