i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm sobbing to NWA
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
