Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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