I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
