I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
