think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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