To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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