Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
