I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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