I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
