Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
