How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
