You're completely useless in the revolution.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
