So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
