i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
