Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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