Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
