Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
